Actors seem to be prone to depression

A few days have passed but I can’t stop thinking about actor and comedian Robin Williams. I’ll admit that I never really paid attention to his personal life. I was scrolling my Facebook page and saw that he was found dead, which was shocking enough. But then I was really astonished that he had died from an apparent suicide.

As I thought about it more, I wasn’t really surprised that a high number of entertainers suffer with depression and mask their pain with drugs and alcohol.  When the pain becomes too great, some want to end it permanently. Williams used his gifts and talents to entertain his fans and make us feel better, but he was seriously tormented in real life.  

As an entertainer, you really put it out there so to speak. Having to always be “on” can get draining after a while. I had a rehearsal about a week ago and felt rotten (body aches, tired, and emotional) but walked in smiling and acting as if I didn’t have a care in the world. It didn’t help that it was pouring down raining. At one time, I thought I was going to pass out, but I kept up my façade. I didn’t want call in sick at the last minute and be seen as unprofessional. Imagine being a big star such as Williams, and always having to appear happy and perfect when you felt the opposite.

Add insecurity, messed up childhoods, broken dreams, rejection, cutthroat actors, and not knowing when you will get another acting job, and you have a recipe for disaster. I’m starting to realize that many entertainers, namely actors, are damaged creatures. I’m introverted and shy so every time I write my blog or post a photo of myself, it feels unnatural. I used to get in the trap of wanting to have my hair styled perfectly and wearing makeup when posting on Facebook. You never know what people will think or say about you. Having to be “on” is one of the things I hate about starting an acting career.

My old acting teacher told my class one time to not make acting your life. Acting won’t fulfill you but having other interests and goals will help when the phone stops ringing. Mental illness can happen to some of the most talented, loved people. It’s tragic, and it’s rampant in this industry. 

If you are having any suicidal thoughts, please call 800-784-2433. 

Would you answer the casting call?

Since I read so many character breakdowns in a day, I’m looking for words that disqualify me so I can quickly move on to the next one. I read many breakdowns hoping I see the words “any ethnicity” or “black female.” Sometimes they are pretty vague, but most of the time they can be pretty descriptive. I also look at age range and skin color. Yes, skin color.

Sometimes I’m disqualified because even though the character is black and in my age range, they may be looking for a “thin, model-like black female, preferably light-skinned, mixed, or Latina.” Or maybe “a dark-skinned sassy, overweight black female.”  I get it, I can’t have every role. But more times than not if the character is a dark-skinned female, she usually has deplorable characteristics. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen “hoodrat,” “bad attitude,” or “overweight.” It’s disheartening.

 
Check out the breakdown for the upcoming N.W.A. biopic:

SAG OR NON UNION FEMALES - PLEASE SEE BELOW FOR SPECIFIC BREAKDOWN. DO NOT EMAIL IN FOR MORE THAN ONE CATEGORY:

A GIRLS: These are the hottest of the hottest. Models. MUST have real hair - no extensions, very classy looking, great bodies. You can be black, white, asian, hispanic, mid eastern, or mixed race too. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@g mail.com subject line should read: A GIRLS

B GIRLS: These are fine girls, long natural hair, really nice bodies. Small waists, nice hips. You should be light-skinned. Beyonce is a prototype here. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@g mail.com subject line should read: B GIRLS

C GIRLS: These are African American girls, medium to light skinned with a weave. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@g mail.com subject line should read: C GIRLS

D GIRLS: These are African American girls. Poor, not in good shape. Medium to dark skin tone. Character types. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: SandeAlessiCasting@g mail.com subject line should read: D GIRLS

I won’t judge the actresses who want to be a part of this project. I understand that an actress who wants experience or a resume credit may submit her information to be a “D Girl.” You have to start somewhere. But when I see something such as this that in my opinion perpetuates racial stereotypes, I pass on it.

I have had a very busy month

I did three auditions, which is good for being in the Southeast. I heard back from one of the auditions and was cast. It's too early to tell from the other two. I also had my first real rehearsal for "Hurt People Hurt People" this past weekend. It went well, and I received some good, encouraging feedback from the director. I did a fun photo shoot with a local photographer. I've been trying to get back into modeling. After having a bad experience on my last shoot, I was glad that this one was nice, gave directions, and excited to shoot. Lastly, I was an extra on the show "It's Supernatural." I am trying to cut down on background work and focus more on lead and principal roles. However, from time to time I will be an extra if the pay is nice.

I've been cast in a play

I received the news today that I've been cast in a play called "Hurt People Hurt People." I'm so excited, because I've had the desire to do another play for some time. I will be playing Joy, who everyone thinks is straight-laced, but she really has another side. I had second thoughts about even going to the audition. After deliberating with one of the producers, I decided to go and see what happened. I'm so glad I did. I auditioned, and the director asked me to stay for the table read. What was supposed to take only 30 minutes turned into four hours. I was happy, famished, and exhausted at the end. The cast is very nice and super talented. Can't wait to take the stage!

Hanau Products video

I had so much fun shooting this.


Cake Launch

Acting can be a bruising business

I encountered a few bumps in the road. Some of my experiences have been disappointing, but I’m not ready to give up just yet.

I’ll be in touch

A few months ago I had an audition that was almost two hours away. I burned rubber straight after work trying to get there on time. I was going to be about five minutes late, so I called the casting director to let him know. This is when I was informed that the audition had been canceled. There were some red flags I overlooked – getting the sides around midnight the night before and the casting director being rude and arrogant in previous emails. But this casting director, who was also the writer, cranked out movies regularly, showed at film festivals, and won a few local awards. I just had to work with him. For my trouble, he promised to send me a copy of his latest script for me to play a small part. I never heard from him again. Either the project fell through or he had already found an actress he liked better.

The check isn’t in the mail

Since there isn’t a lot of acting work in Greensboro, I usually have to make the drive to Charlotte, Raleigh, or Wilmington. I spend a lot of money on gas, but it is worth it if I’m compensated. I booked a paid job – it was low pay but a nice credit for my resume. After shooting, I was told “You should get paid the end of this week.” I never saw a dime. After sending several messages, I gave up on getting the money.

Can you be more black?

I auditioned for a role recently where the woman was supposed to be angry and combative. I guess I wasn’t giving enough attitude and fierceness so the casting director suggested that I “act more black and ghetto.” I tried improvising but was told I came off too articulate. I wished I would have known I would have to be so ignorant and embarrassing. I was so offended I didn’t care if I booked the role or not. I didn’t.

Don't expect everyone to be happy for you

Except for filming a local commercial and going out on several auditions, I’ve haven’t been doing that much acting-wise. Slow times like this, I remember all the amazing jobs I have booked so far and try to remain positive. And I’m thankful for the people who support me.

Supportive friends and family are vital. Encouraging words can stop you from having a pity party when things aren’t going your way. I had to get rid of a toxic, unsupportive boyfriend who seemed to be dismissive whenever I mentioned anything acting related. At times, he would get threatened and angry if I booked a paying job. The funny thing is as soon as we broke up, I started to book more work.

I’m telling you now, everyone won’t be happy for you. This includes family and friends. It hurts, but people you love might not want to see that You tube clip of your national TV commercial that’s currently playing. If I described family members, the best thing to do is not tell them. Keep it to yourself. If you have toxic friends or associates, cut them out of your life. Your career will thank you, and you will be much happier.